The last few weeks have been crazy, and it all started with me ending things with someone I’d been dating for 4.5 years. (Yikes time flies).
I’m simplifying things but my reason was because he didn’t want to actually be in a relationship and I finally decided that’s what I wanted and that it meant something to me.
I was talking to someone at the space and they asked if I loved him and the only thing missing was commitment, then why not just stay and ride it out.
The next morning as I lay in bed, I decided that this was like ice cream. Why ice cream popped in my head at 6am is still uncertain to me, but I went with this for a bit.
See...I love ice cream, but I hate mint chocolate chip. If someone offered this to me, I’d say no thanks.
They wouldn’t then reply: “But you love ice cream. Just eat this.”
And if they did, this is how my brain deduced that the rest of the conversation would play out.
Me: “Yeah, but I don’t like mint chocolate chip.”
Them: “But it’s still sweet and creamy and everything that you love about ice cream.”
Me: “Yeah, but I’ve tried mint chocolate chip a couple of times and I don’t like it. On the surface it seems like something that I might like. I love ice cream. I love peppermint. I even like chocolate chip. But something about this combination is weird and I don’t want it. Can I have something else?
Them: No. Me: No?!...Ok then. I just won’t be having ice cream right now. Walks away with dreams of salted caramel pints.
Analogies aside, I am indeed heartbroken. But please don’t fret for me. I am very ok. I feel a strength and peace that I haven't felt in a long time. I also have hopes that one day (after the ache is a distant memory) we will be able to be friends because he's one of my favorite people and a genuinely good person. This just gives me some time to really focus on myself and hatch new plans. We turn three (!!!) next month and I’m still thinking of how to celebrate that. Having an ice cream social comes to mind. It was one of our very first events, so it seems fitting. We’ll see.